


I Won't Go Home Without You

by KaliTracer



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Break-up/Make-up, Harry Hart Lives, M/M, Mpreg, TW: mentions of abortions, They both do dumb things, but nothing happens like that, then everything gets better, what the hell am i doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 03:04:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3634263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaliTracer/pseuds/KaliTracer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just as Eggsy is having the most shit week in his recent history, Harry and Merlin both drop news on him, neither he was expecting nor ready to handle the consequences of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ohgoddon'tjudgeme

Of course Eggsy would start feeling ill mid-mission. It was a just-his-luck kind of thing to wake for his surveillance turn just in time to immediately vomit into the trashcan by the bed. He barely manages to stay steady on the bed and keep his head in the bin, when Harry is settling a hand over his shoulder to help him.

“Eggsy?” he asks, but the younger agent was too busy being ill to answer yet. He shook as he dry-heaved for another minute before finally it passed.

“I guess the food don’t agree wit me here,” he says, grimacing as the thought of food makes him queasy.

“Is it over? Are you still feeling ill?” Harry looks mussy in the Iraq heat, and nearly ill himself at the smell of Eggsy’s morning wake up call.

“I’m okay. Here, I’ll clean it up,” Eggsy starts to move when Harry is all ready pushing him back to the bed.

“I’ve got it. Rest,” Harry states and takes up the bin and heads to the loo to clean up. Eggsy can’t and won’t state how grateful he is, because he still feels exhausted even after a four hour rest. He shouldn’t be _this_ tired, it isn’t normal and he knows that he will probably have to sit through a check up when they return to HQ.

Harry returns after a moment and presses a cool cloth to Eggsy’s forehead, by cool he means lukewarm but it feels amazing in the heat.

“Perhaps we should abort if you aren’t feeling well,” Harry murmurs.

“Don’t be ridiculous, ‘arry. No one can be here in time to intercept the package. We’re here and we can do it. I’m _fine,”_ Eggsy insists.

It doesn’t help that he’s trying to convince not only the new Arthur of Kingsman but also his very overprotective boyfriend.

“If you’re sure,” Harry mutters, before standing and returning to the bathroom.

There was also that. Eggsy didn’t know what had happened in the last three weeks but their relationship had become strained. Harry seemed more and more determined to draw away from him. Eggsy had tried to keep up appearances because the thought of losing Harry again-he still had nightmares about the bullet finding it’s mark instead of going wide and only grazing the side of Harry’s head-well the thought made him want to be ill or violent or maybe just cry. All three actually sounded pretty good.

After this mission, Eggsy thinks, then they would sit down and have a nice talk. He couldn’t take this distant and cold lover. It didn’t sit any better than the food did.

Still just a bit longer and they could figure it all out.

Turns out Eggsy’s luck was running more toward the shit side than he previously thought. Which explained why 16 hours later he was sitting up in Medical; getting four stitches to the temple and eight to the shoulder.

“Harry said you vomited before the interception. Are you still feeling ill?” Merlin asks, gathering up a needle and several small vials.

“It comes and goes. I thought it was the food, but maybe I caught something,” Eggsy admits. He feels fine but after throwing up again after the ensuing chaos of the fight and again on the plane, he was willing to concede that it was more than just the food. 

“How long has it been going on?” Merlin asks, drawing up some blood.

Eggsy scratches the side of his head- the side without stitches thankfully- and shrugs. “Ten days?” he mumbles.

Merlin’s disapproving look shows how well that news goes over. He shakes his head and puts a swab over the spot before drawing out the needle. They don’t need the site because of the IV started in his other arm.

“Symptoms?”

“Vomiting and fatigue. A few headaches but nothing that don’t go wit the job, bruv,” he says, trying to settle in when the doc bandages up his shoulder where the guy had gotten lucky with a knife.

“You should have reported this sooner, Eggsy,” Merlin scolds.

“Yes, Da,” Eggsy says, rolling his eyes. They share a smile, and Merlin pats his leg as he gets up to go run tests.

It takes a few hours to get results from everything, and by then Roxy and Gawain had stopped through. Gawain had brought grapes and Rox had grabbed up a bouquet from who knew where. It was tradition for them to get flowers for the other if they were in Medical. They had an understanding that flowers were for getting better not for grave-sides so if they wanted flowers they had to stay alive.

When it was getting late in the afternoon, Harry finally knocked on Eggsy’s door. He invited the older man in, angling up for a kiss on the mouth, but not getting one when Harry simply got comfortable in the visitor’s chair.

“Everything alright, ‘arry?” Eggsy asks.

“Eggsy, I think that we should talk,” Harry says, and fiddles with his cuffs.

“Yeah, should def do that,” Eggsy says, and is proud of the way his voice doesn’t waver.

“I think that I may need to take a-a break from our relationship as it is,” Harry says, and he firmly meets Eggsy’s stare. His eyes look sad and angry and Eggsy wonders what he’s done to inspire such feelings.

“A break? What’s does that mean?” he asks, and suddenly he find the lining of his blanket fascinating because he can’t stand to watch this happen.

“I just need some time to sort out my feelings, Eggsy. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care for you-I do deeply care for you,” Harry seems to emphasize this point which doesn’t make Eggsy feel any better.

“But we won’t be together while you sort these feelins’ out yeah?” Eggsy swallows down the tightness in his throat. He can’t believe he wanted to know what was going on with Harry and now he’d do anything to forget it all.

“I’m sorry, Eggsy. I know this isn’t fair to you, but there are things that I’m finding myself doing right now that I don’t understand and I need to sort myself out before I can continue being your partner and lover,” Harry explains so precisely and Eggsy can’t hear confusion in his voice. He thinks it’s pretty clear what Harry’s feelings are.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” he says, and wipes away an lone tears that starts to leave his left eye. He clears his throat and looks pointedly to the flowers that Roxy got him because they’re tulips and he adores that she found some when they were off-season.

“I-” Harry cuts himself off, before he stands. “I hope you feel better, Eggsy. Please feel free to come to me if you need anything.”

Eggsy nods and keeps wiping at the tears that bitterly won’t leave him alone. Harry makes a quick exit. The young Kingsman makes it five seconds after a quick text to Roxy for emergency shoulder before he starts to cry into his pillow.

A knock on the door makes Eggsy sit up and wipe away the tears.

“Enter,” he calls, hoping Roxy had still been in the building and had come to his aid.

“Eggsy, good, I was afraid I had woken you. I got the results back and I wanted to deliver them in person. I can get Harry if you want?” Merlin offers, he notes the redness around his friend’s eyes and wonders what’s he’s missed.

“Don’t think he’ll be arsed enough to care about hearin’ I got the flu anymore, Merlin,” Eggsy admits. Shock settles over the older man, and he frowns before rubbing his bald head.

“Oh, Eggsy, I am sorry. This news maybe won’t be the best then,” Merlin says, and sits in the chair.

“Just spit it out. Can’t be worst than the news I just got, ta,” he says.

“Well, first, I should ask, you were tested to be a Carrier, correct?” Merlin asks.

“Yeah, when I was little, but they said I was in Class Two,” Eggsy says, brow furrowing trying to remember all the pamphlets about being a Male Carrier. Class Two meant that he was practically infertile as a Carrier but that he still had the organs and such.

“There have been a lot of recent studies showing that Class Two Carriers were not always properly classed. The tests were often insufficient which often lead to many Carrier being put in Class Two when really they were Class One,” Merlin shifts a bit at the end, and looks down at the file in his hands.

“Okay, what’s this got to do wit my flu, bruv?” Eggsy asks.

“Eggsy, I have to ask, did you ever _not_ use protection with Harry?” Merlin asks.

“Once or twice a while back, but I don’t understand what does this have to-” Eggsy stops as suddenly it clicks in place like a key opening a lock. _Not always properly classed. Not use protection with Harry.  
_

“Oh bloody fuck,” Eggsy gasps, before he covers his face with both hands.

“Yes, indeed. Congratulations,” Merlin says, and sighs.

“I know this isn’t the time, but Eggsy, you are only nine weeks along, if you decide you don’t want the baby…” The older man barely has time to grab up a basin and put it under Eggsy’s head before he vomits again.

“I’m sorry, Eggsy. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said.” Merlin gets a clean cloth and helps the younger man get cleaned up. 

“Forgive me,” he says, when Eggsy is better again.

“It’s okay,” Eggsy says, but he sounds hollowed out. “I don’t think I could get rid of it, Merlin.”

“I understand. I just wanted to make sure you knew you had options,” he explained. “Would you like me to get Roxy?”

“She’s here,” a voice pipes up as the door opens up. She takes one look at both of them and sighs. “Alright, somebody start from the beginning,” she says, sliding a chair up next to Merlin’s.

Eggsy waves a hand at Merlin to tell what he knows. He’s not ready to speak, but doesn’t resist when Roxy’s hand scoops up his after the first few sentences of Merlin’s story. He doesn’t leave out that Harry has ended the relationship, Eggsy might explain that later, but now, he just puts his hand on his lower stomach and tries to think of something other than the tiny life depending solely on him.

A few tears slide down his face as he thinks sadly that the little one isn’t even out in the real world and all ready down to one parent. Life was too cruel sometimes. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it continues....

Merlin keeps Eggsy in Medical for three days. Harry does his best to keep his distance, but often finds himself hovering outside the door when it's too late for the young Kingsman to be awake. Still, he can't go in. He can't keep doing this... to either of them.  
  
Taking a break he had said. It was honestly refreshing to say something that was so blatantly a lie and be believed. He supposed though he had played to Eggsy when he had made that little announcement, and tried to make it believable when the reality was...so much more different.   
  
Honestly, it had started before they had even become intimate. Harry knew right from the start that he was going to have a blind-side a mile long when it came to Eggsy. If the younger man said jump then Harry would have broken both legs jumping as high or long as needed. He didn't mind so much the devotion to his lover, but it was the protective streak that had developed that made him worried.   
  
Twice they had gone out to a public restaurant to eat, and only twice. The first time Harry had nearly bitten off a waiter's head for taking too long and not being able to see that clearly Eggsy hadn't eaten since that morning and was starving. Eggsy had smoothed things over and their meal had been free of charge, which the younger man gloated about to Roxy. Harry had assumed that he too had been feeling a little be ravenous and that had affected his judgement.  
  
Until the second time. The next time was much worse. The waiter had flirted with Eggsy. Had out-right flirted and winked at his boyfriend when he was sitting right there. The man hadn't even looked ashamed when Eggsy mentioned they were on a date. He had simply added his phone number to the bottom of the bill and let his hand trail down Eggsy's arm before they left. Harry had nearly broken said hand before Eggsy had extracted the waiter and their bill from the clutches of the crazed Harry Hart. Needless to say that they were banned from that establishment but little did they know Harry had sent in several reports to the Health Inspector who was an old friend and owed Harry several favors. He would see them all in jail if he truly had his way.  
  
Eggsy had laughed the whole thing off, and told him that maybe they should stick with takeaway from then on. He reassured Harry with looping his arm in the older man's and pressing close against him.  
  
If he was honestly thankful for his work because it was the only way he could safely let off steam without ending up in the newspaper for assault. It was ungentlemanly and degrading to himself and to be fair put, he scared himself sometimes.   
  
From there it was a downward spiral of observations. All from how much age difference there was-eighteen years- to how much there shared interest in spy work still didn't cover conversations like favorite music or picking out a movie or travel destinations. Harry slowly began to realize that the closer they grew and more intimate they became, the more he wanted and needed to keep Eggsy safe. More than once he had tried to get him pulled from missions where there would be heavy risk involved. Eggsy always managed to worm around his requests for the younger Kingsman to stay home where it was safe.   
  
It had occurred to Harry suddenly about nine weeks prior after they had been resting from a fantastic round of sex and Eggsy had mentioned off-hand that Harry was the only person Eggsy hadn't used condoms with. The thrill of it had raced down Harry's spine and he had nearly gotten erect after only four minutes of downtime. That thought finally made him realize how wrong he was for Eggsy. Harry had slept with plenty of people, lots without condoms- also knowing if it was physically safe and getting tested regularly as was Kingsman protocol. Still, Eggsy had never had those experiences. For all the missions and saving the whole bloody world, he was young and still had so much life left.  
  
Harry may be in love with Eggsy but that didn't change that he had no right to hold Eggsy back from the life he should have. Slowly, he had been working toward the talk, and he felt like a right bastard for doing at the man's hospital bedside but that didn't change that it couldn't wait any longer. He had broken the heart of the love of his life and then fled like the coward he had never been.  
  
The mission had nearly killed him. Eggsy had been sick and hadn't said a word until he was literally being ill in a bin. Harry had nearly aborted the whole thing to get him home, and no other Kingsman would have made that call. Even Eggsy wouldn't walk away from a mission incomplete despite being obviously sick. He knew then that his judgement was completely gone and he had to try and gain some perspective. There would be no other way than to finally have that talk with the man.   
  
Still, everything in Harry is fighting to get him to check on Eggsy. He's opened the Medical file several times before reminding himself that it is none of his business. Merlin had stopped by saying they wanted to keep Eggsy in Medical for a bit to make sure he's got his fluids replenished and is starting to recover from the blood loss before they discharge him.   
  
This apparently takes three days and every bit of Harry's patience. He very nearly caves, but eventually exits the file on his computer and shut the whole thing down so he won't be tempted.   
  
Which explains why he finds himself outside Eggsy's room with no excuse other than it is finally past midnight of the third day and he hasn't seen the man for that long and it feels like someone is constantly punching him in the heart. Harry has no idea how he'll eventually survive when Eggsy moves on with his life, when he starts dating and sleeping with other people. He'll probably never be able to see Eggsy with another man without nearly being violent.   
  
As quiet as he possibly can, he pushes the door open and let's his eyes slide across the occupant. He smiles to himself to see Eggsy sleeping on peacefully.   
  
"Do you have any idea how creepy you're being?" a voice speaks up behind him. Harry barely contains the scream that nearly erupts before spinning and hushing Merlin.  
  
"Yes, I've very well aware of my actions," Harry scolds, before glancing in one last time and shutting the door. Just as it closes, Harry notices all the flowers in the room. He can feel his temper flare.  
  
"Now, Merlin, can I help you with something?" he asks.  
  
"You've got a lot of nerve," Merlin says, his tone less than its normal friendly tone that it held for Harry.  
  
"I'm sor-" The new Arthur starts but gets cut off quickly.  
  
"Eggsy told me about your break. He informed of how you needed to sort yourself and your feelings out before you two could reconsider continuing," Merlin states, this time disgust is clear.  
  
"You are either being willfully ignorant of how that man feels for you or you are choosing to be this cruel, I can't decide which is worse," Merlin shakes his head before continuing. "My advise is to sort yourself out and fast, Harry. You have a lot to make up for all ready and that man owes you nothing right now if you chose to come groveling back."  
  
"And what if I choose not to go, as you say, 'groveling back'?" Harry doesn't recall ever being so openly cruel with his words to his friend.  
  
Merlin frowns the way he gets when he's about to destroy a recruit for doing something stupid and Harry almost takes a step back.  
  
"You would be the biggest fool I'd ever know if that was the case," he says and then straightens, "and I'm not friends with fools, Harry." He shakes his bald head before disappearing into Eggsy's room.   
  
The words settle heavy on Harry's shoulders and he wonders what else he'll lose for making the best decision he can for the love of his life. 


	3. Chapter 3

Pushing open his flat's door, Eggsy doesn't stop JB as he goes racing inside to sniff out all the interesting bits since the last time they had been there. His belongings had been split like his life among Harry's or his Mum's or Kingsman HQ. Roxy had gone to get his belongings from Harry's and Eggsy would be forever grateful for that.

They had had a long discussion about what he wanted and truthfully while he hoped for Harry to come 'round Eggsy doubted such a miracle would occur. Eggsy had demanded a week before he told Harry about the baby. A chance to prepare for the argument and fallout he had said.

Of course Roxy had to go and be practical and had pointed out that he wouldn't want the baby to live at his Mum's.  Not that she wasn't an excellent Mum, it was just that he didn't want to foist his child on her when she had a life all ready raising Daisy. He had agreed with Roxy that if he was keeping the baby he had to start right then in order to be prepared for when he gave birth. He shuddered, giving birth. He knew the physiology of it all, Merlin had made sure to give him plenty of information but it all seemed to distant to really consider now.

This all led back to the flat he had rarely used and kept mostly for emergencies. The stack of his belongings were piled up around his couch. Roxy had left them for him to unpack instead of attempting to do so herself. It is surprising to see his life with Harry reduced to a suitcase, two duffel bag and a box of assorted extras. The life he had had didn't seem to amount to much he thought.  
  
A loud buzzing made him break away his stare to pull out his phone and the likely new text.  
  
From Roxy: _-Merlin cooking dinner. Want to grab some takeaway with us in say an hour?_  
  
Chuckling Eggsy shook his head and typed up a quick reply.   
  
To Roxy: _-Nah, not tonight. Want to get the flat in order b4 I pass the fuck out._  
  
He gets a response almost before he's put the phone back away.  
  
From Roxy: _-Don't push yourself too hard. I'll come round this weekend and we can figure where to put a nursery mb?_  
  
He swallowed and nodded to himself.  
  
To Roxy: _-Yeah, sounds good_  
  
From Roxy: _-Okay good. Going to save Merlin from the dreaded spatulas. Take it easy Eggs._  
  
To Roxy: _-You too._  
  
Clearing away his messages, Eggsy catches at the picture on the background. he and Harry had posed for a quick shot after a suit fitting. They were half in proper suits and half trying to cram in lunch before a meeting. They looked a mess, though admittedly Eggsy more so than Harry. They were smiling in Fitting Room Three, tucked in close while changing and kissing between bites of sandwich.  
  
They looked so happy. Eggsy didn't know what went wrong. He had tried to go over it in his head, to review what had been going on, but nothing could make the pieces fit.  
  
And now, well there would be no way Harry-gentleman spy extraordinaire-Hart would want to be saddled with an infant or waylaid with bibs and naptime and binkies and diapers and bottles and carpool and...etc. It was too much to ask of the man. More importantly, Eggsy didn't want Harry to stay with him because suddenly there was a child involved. He had only one parent and he had turned out fine.   
  
When the kid was older maybe Eggsy would be a spy again. He could take on training recruits for a while -Merlin had already suggested it. There would be plenty to do around the Manor and it was a quick ride back to London for dinners and what not.  
  
So what if the back of Eggsy's mind was a loop of Harry holding their child and making pancakes on Saturdays. They were never destined for the domestic life. Harry was too much of a spy for that.   
  
Grabbing up his phone again, Eggsy shot off another message.  
  
To Roxy: _-Tell Merlin that I changed my mind about telling Harry. I don't want him to know._  
  
He hold his phone for a long time before he gets a reply.  
  
From Merlin: _-Okay, Eggsy. I won't tell him, but he still has access to your records._  
  
To Merlin: _-He won't check them. If he hasn't yet he won't ever. Thanks_  
  
From Merlin: _-You're welcome. Roxy kicked me out of the kitchen for burning a spatula again. At lease you don't have to listen to her ranting about cooking utensils._  
  
To Merlin: _-Offer takeaway and swear to never attempt cooking again._   
  
Eggsy can't help but chuckle at the hopeless man. At his age the skill of cooking was probably never going to happen.   
  
From Merlin: - _Advice successful. Thanks._  
  
From Roxy: _-I know you texted him. Thanks Eggsy._  
  
To Merlin; Roxy: _\- You're welcome._

Setting his phone down, Eggsy shoved off a bag of clothes and whistled for JB. The pug trotted in happily, and Eggsy scooped him up.

"Just you and me, bruv. Let's see what's on the telly, yeah?" Climbing on the couch, Eggsy grabbed up the remote and turned on the flat screen.

Hours later, with JB sleeping soundly on his chest, Eggsy found even mindless television would not ease the ache around his heart. He stared at the screen and kept petting the soft fur of his companion, hoping that sleep would take him from this nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted on FF.net
> 
> Kudos/Comments/Suggestions go below!! Don't forget to tip your writer! ^_^


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